Jehovah El Roi — The God Who Sees Me

Well, good morning, everyone. My name is Suzie, and I am so glad that you are spending this Sunday with us. For those of you joining us online, whichever camera it is, thank you for joining us. I am very excited to be sharing what the Lord has been putting on my heart. It’s been marinating for quite some time.

And so we have been in a series on the names of God. I write the majority of my messages in spiral notebooks. I just do better with writing. And when I was looking for a spare spiral notebook to write my message in, I happened to find this one, which had Full and Focused 2025, had a menu here, all my things I needed to do, when I beat everyone at Phase 10, and then also the names of God that Jay and I started going through, which I just thought was really cool. I literally was just going through my stuff. And today we’re going to be talking about the God who sees you, Jehovah El Roi. And I am very excited about this, and we’re going to just go through it.

Jolted into suffering

For those of you that may or may not know, recently I have taken a job as a hospice chaplain. How you get there, I don’t fully know. I mean, I do know how I got there, but I don’t think you wake up one day and think, “I’m going to go work with people who are at end of life.” But that’s where I find myself in this season, as a hospice chaplain. I’ve been doing this for about a month and a half now. I serve as a chaplain for a police and fire department as well, so I’m not necessarily new to chaplaincy, but in the capacity that I am serving, it is all new to me.

And very quickly I have been tossed and shaken into moments — jolted. I wrote “jolted,” because that’s how it’s felt — into places of pain and suffering and grief. I now commute to Janesville, southern Wisconsin, and that’s where the majority of my clients have started to be. And so it’s given me a lot of — what is it called? — windshield time, driving back and forth, processing what has happened.

And the sweet lady who has been training me — she’s been amazing — had said to me very bluntly, “I need you to experience some deaths before you’re on your own.” And it’s just a whole different language. It’s a whole different atmosphere. It’s just crazy. And on April 7th, less than a month of being there, I was officially going on my own — no longer shadowing; all of the caseload was being transferred to me. She and I were meeting, going over a few things, and the person who’s scheduling us comes in — because she wanted me to actually go after someone passed away — and she said, “Hey, you need to go. Someone’s passed away.” And I thought, “Here I go.” And since that time, I have had four deaths, where I have visited someone who has been at end of life — not present as they’ve died, but present as they are dying.

And this idea of suffering and grief and dying is something I have now been faced with every day — a language of processing that we are not taught very much about, because there are a lot of questions in that. Suffering is something we do not like to talk about culturally, mostly because we don’t understand it. And because we don’t understand it, we feel like we need to stay away from it. And what I am finding, as I am running into places — quite literally, no, not running, but gently entering a room — is that I need to begin to get comfortable with vocabulary around suffering. And so that brings us to the God who sees me and you, Jehovah El Roi.

Some things that I have found are common thoughts with people that I’ve met over this last month and a half. Number one, they have no thought of God at all. That is a statement that is true. I can sit with people, and there’s absolutely no thought that there is a God or a Savior at all. I don’t know if it’s a farmer thing; I’m trying to figure it out. My dad used to say this phrase: “It is what it is.” And I can’t tell you in the last thirty-plus days how many times I’ve heard the phrase “It is what it is.” I have heard it from almost every person that I have met, whether it is the ones who are dying or the ones that are caring for them. They just say, “It is what it is.” It’s a very bizarre phrase. I don’t think I had ever heard it before my dad. It’s not a super uncommon phrase, but my dad said it often. And so there are just some people who are like, “It is what it is.” There is no thought about it. There is no idea that there is good or bad or anything. It just is what it is.

Then there are other people who will find God in the midst of where they’re finding themselves. They find themselves extremely grateful for the life that they’ve lived. They recognize that they have a Savior that they are going home to. They’re ready to go home, and that is very much a part of the vocabulary in life, and they know Jesus.

But there is this other place that I’ve found with people. And the thing about chaplaincy, which is different than pastoring, is I’m not going in as a pastor. I am going in as a person of faith and spirituality. I’m not there to disciple anyone. I’m there to be with them in their moment, whatever that looks like. I know that I carry the presence of God wherever I go, and so I will go in, I’ll pray — there are things that I do for myself — but I am not sitting with someone to pastor them. I am sitting to be with them, to be with them in their grief.

But one thing has gotten me thinking. I think one day I traveled almost two hundred miles, so that’s a lot of alone time in the car. And the third place that seems very common is: why would God allow this, or cause this to happen? Even people who have given their life to Him — that’s a common place. Why would God allow this to happen? And as I sat with that question, I have gotten a lot more comfortable with being uncomfortable, a lot more comfortable with silence — which, if you know me, I love to talk. But I’m going to tell you, a lot of my drives home, I’m just driving home in silence. No music, no nothing, not even thinking, which is very bizarre for me. Just silent.

And so I am so excited to be sharing, because I don’t have an answer — but I do have an answer. The answer is Jesus. We’ll just fast-forward to the end. But there is something that I find so beautiful: Jehovah El Roi, the God who sees me.

A flower in the valley

Again, some of you may or may not know my story, but my dad moved here in 2019, and he passed away in 2022, kind of suddenly, but not suddenly. I was his caretaker for his end of life. And I always say it was the longest, shortest three weeks of my life once he entered into hospice care — which, ironically — not ironic, it’s the Lord — the same hospice that I’m working for now is the one who cared for my dad at his end of life. Anyway, it was the longest, most bizarre time of my life. There was a lot going on. I continued to move on with everything after my dad passed. There was still a lot of stuff that had to be taken care of.

And a couple years prior, I had homeschooled one of our kids for a season. And in science — because I’m teaching science, and I don’t teach science at all — we would go to Governor Dodge Park, I think. Isn’t Nelson in there? Governor Nelson, whatever. You guys know — it’s the way you go if you’re going to Dubuque. And we would go there because there was a little waterfall, like a little baby waterfall. And he and I went a few times to see it in its different seasons — what it looked like in September, what it looked like in October, November, and then what it looked like in the spring.

And I am not a hiker. I don’t really enjoy being outside. That’s not me. I just recently, within the last four or five years, finally climbed the bluffs at Devil’s Lake. That’s not me. You’re not going to be catching me outside. We’re going to go have a cup of coffee, have some ice cream. That’s where you’re going to find me. Being outside in nature is not where I like to be.

Well, in this case, because of the seasons my son and I had been there, I decided, “I’m going to go for a hike.” And if you’ve ever been hiking there, or really anywhere you’re hiking, it’s not always made for hiking. You kind of come down into what would probably be similar to a valley, and a creek, and broken trees, and water that’s coming from — I guess the little river, the little waterfall is flowing, and there’s all this stuff going on. I did actually have my phone with me, but I’m walking and trying to just be present and not really having an agenda.

And in the midst of walking, all of a sudden I look back, and there’s this one singular — I should have showed a picture. I have a picture. I forgot that I had the picture — this one singular little flower that was in these broken trees, in the middle of this creaky lake-water thing, in the middle of this valley, not on the path. All these people were around me; it was kind of a busy time. And I picked it up, and I was kind of looking around like, “Are there more flowers somewhere? Where did this come from? It had to come from somewhere.” And so I picked it up, and in my spirit I just heard, “El Roi.” And I was like, “What is that?”

So I just put the flower away and finished my walk, and I Googled it, and I realized: El Roi, the God who sees me. I had learned that probably somewhere a long time ago, but it wasn’t part of my common knowledge. And I have this gauge: is it me, or is it the Lord? So sometimes I’ll just ask Jay. When I had actually considered doing end-of-life care, I said, “Have you ever thought about doing that?” And he said, “No.” And I thought, “Okay, this is the Lord.” If Jay says yes, then I’m like, “Okay, that’s me.” Those are sometimes some of my gauges. If it’s a really crazy idea, I’ll toss it to Jay, I’ll see how he kicks it, and that helps me decipher.

But it was one of those moments. “El Roi” — that’s kind of a weird phrase. And then I go and I Google it, and it’s “the God who sees me.” And I was reminded in that moment of my own grief and suffering and exhaustion: God sees me.

You know what I’m learning? There’s nothing that you can say when someone’s suffering. It actually feels quite trite to even bring God into the conversation when someone’s suffering, because it feels just so — but I am here to tell you that we don’t need to have the answers. God sees you. He sees me, and He sees us in the midst of this situation.

We can get an understanding of a little bit of suffering in Scripture. Oftentimes — I had this conversation with someone, just as a question — we give credit to luck when something doesn’t happen. “Oh my gosh, I was so lucky. That car almost hit me.” And then if something bad happens, oftentimes we say, “Why did God let it happen? Why would He let all this happen?” So which is it? Is it luck when it’s good and God when it’s bad? We have to kind of wrestle through some of this. You can come to your own determination. You’re walking through your own life, your own journey. It just is something that I realize in common language: why would God allow this to happen? And yet when things happen, we blame it on the universe or whatever it is we believe in. And then in a moment’s time, we’re so quick to blame God.

Hagar in the wilderness

You know, in Genesis — and I’m not going to read it, but you can write it down if you’d like — Genesis 15, verses 1–6, we have Abraham, or Abram — his name’s Abram at this point. He’s having this moment with God, and God gives him this promise. I thought it was kind of an interesting place. Okay, maybe I’ll just read it. It says, “After these things the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, saying, ‘Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward.’ But Abram said, ‘Lord, what will You give me, seeing I go childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?’”

So, a few things. I thought that was a really bold question that he’s asking God: “What are You going to give me?” In the cultural context, if you were barren, your most senior servant could bear your name and be the heir. So this is what he’s talking about here. And he’s saying, “I don’t have my own child.” “And behold, the word of the Lord came to him, saying, ‘This one shall not be your heir, but one who will come from your own body shall be your heir.’” All right. And then He takes him out and has him look into the sky and says, “Your children are going to be numerous.” And all this stuff is great. So he has a promise from God.

I also thought it was a very interesting trend that I’ve never picked up on. We’re going to look at it now. We’re going to go to Genesis chapter 16. “Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. And she had an Egyptian maidservant whose name was Hagar.” Okay. If I have learned anything, people make decisions that make you go, “Huh?” You’re like, “Wait, where did you come to this conclusion? Why did you come to this conclusion?”

Now, before I move on: we have Abram, who has a word and a vision from God. Somewhere in the context between both of these chapters, he shares it with his wife, and she’s like, “Well, hey, I’m still barren. I have this great idea.” Okay. Why this is her great idea, I do not know, because this would never be my great idea. But this was her great idea to God’s promise. Okay? So God has given a promise. Abram shares it with his wife. His wife comes up with a solution to God’s promise, and it’s bizarre.

“So Sarai said to Abram, ‘See now, the Lord has restrained me from bearing children. Please go in to my maid; perhaps I shall obtain a child by her.’ And Abram heeded the voice of Sarai.” Okay — wait, what? Come on. If I’m being crazy, I’m hoping Jay is going to tell me, “Honey, you’re being crazy,” right? I’m hoping that there’s someone that’s going to say, “Full stop. No.” But instead it’s like full-stop green, and we go, right? God has given him a promise, and she decides, “Okay, I’m going to take this into my own hands.” And he says yes. Okay, you guys, this makes me go, “Wait, what?” But there’s a purpose to why I bring this up. So we see God has a promise. He gives it to Abram. Abram tells his wife. She goes to solve it. We’re tracking, right? All right.

“Then Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar her maid, the Egyptian, and gave her to her husband Abram to be his wife, after Abram had dwelt ten years in the land of Canaan. So he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, her mistress” — which is Sarai — “became despised in her eyes. Then Sarai said to Abram, ‘My wrong be upon you! I gave my maid into your embrace; and when she saw that she had conceived, I became despised in her eyes. The Lord judge between you and me.’ So Abram said to Sarai, ‘Indeed your maid is in your hand; do to her as you please.’ And when Sarai dealt harshly with her, she fled from her presence.”

Do you see the chaos that is happening now? The bitterness, the anger, all of these things that are being described in this scripture. “Now the Angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, by the spring on the way to Shur. And He said, ‘Hagar, Sarai’s maid, where have you come from, and where are you going?’ She said, ‘I am fleeing from the presence of my mistress Sarai.’ The Angel of the Lord said to her, ‘Return to your mistress, and submit yourself under her hand.’ Then the Angel of the Lord said to her, ‘I will multiply your descendants exceedingly, so that they shall not be counted for multitude.’”

So then He gives a blessing, or He talks about what that’s going to look like, in verses 11 and 12. Then in verse 13 it says, “Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, ‘Have I also here seen Him who sees me?’ Therefore the well was called Beer Lahai Roi; observe, it is between Kadesh and Bered.”

He doesn’t cause the pain, but He meets us in it

I’m going to tell you what begins to happen here: because of everyone’s choices, they find themselves in a place of suffering. Now, here’s what I’m saying. I’m not saying that because of choices we suffer. But somewhere we have to understand that sin is greatly at work, and it impacts the decisions that we make. And oftentimes the decisions we make — or decisions that are not even ours, that are made for us — will put us into a place of suffering.

We’re talking about a God who sees us in our pain, and in the midst of poor decisions sometimes, in the midst of our suffering and in the midst of our abandonment. Hagar was abandoned. After this, Abram’s like, “You know what? You go. You figure it out” — as if he had no part in the decision. So now here’s this woman who is pregnant, who’s abandoned, and she’s suffering. We later see in Scripture that not only does she suffer, but then Ishmael suffers, and Sarah sends them both out. She’s just like, “Get out of here. Get out of my way. I want nothing to do with you.” And now she’s a single mom, right? She finds herself again back in the wilderness. Decisions that are often made for us — Ishmael had nothing to do with that. And yet he found himself on the receiving end of suffering.

And every time, despite their decisions, God met them where they were. He reminded and He provided. And He says, “I see you. I know you. I’m going to provide for you.” See, what I’ve come to realize — and I think that this is probably very true, but I won’t say 100 percent true — the enemy has convinced many, and then those many have convinced many: if God was good, why do we suffer, and why are we in pain?

But we see in Scripture He doesn’t cause the pain, but He wants to be near us in the pain. And this is the part we miss. We miss that He really wants to be there in the midst of where we find ourselves. We see that when Ishmael and Hagar are abandoned yet again, He meets them in their suffering. He didn’t cause the suffering. At any point in time, any one of those adults should have said, “Wait, no. This is not how we treat someone. This is not how we’re going to do something. Yes, I understand culturally this makes sense, but what was God’s promise?” Everyone abandoned God’s promise so quick. So quick. They were willing to abandon God. And there was a domino effect of decisions that affected many people, and many nations, as we continue to read on and learn.

See, my job isn’t to teach you to ignore the suffering or pain, but to help us look to find where God is in the midst of our suffering and pain. Because He never abandons us. He always sees us. But the world wants us to say, “But why, God?” and challenge Him. I found that phrase earlier, when Abram’s talking to God and he’s like, “Well, what are You going to do for me?” I just think that’s a bold place, right? But so many times we get so angry at God for things that are our choices. And His heart, I believe, as I’m learning — that’s why I said I think this is mostly true — is that He wants to meet us in that place, because He sees us.

You know, I had a friend — I have friends — this was actually a mentor of mine, and she was providing some ministry to my spirit. Growing up, the reality of the circumstances is there was a lot of abandonment and rejection, and choices that people made doing their best with what they knew, but I experienced it in my life. And there were some things that were like this barrier between me and God.

And so she was sitting with me and talking to me — I don’t remember how we came to this — and she said, “Suzie, I want you to close your eyes.” I said, “Okay.” And she brought me back to this place, and she said, “Where’s Jesus?” And I said, “What?” She says, “I want you to look around and see if you can find Jesus in that horrible memory.” I’m like, “How is that even possible?” So we sat there, and I closed my eyes — and I can still see it now — and I said, “He was covering me.” I was experiencing something that I didn’t need to, shouldn’t have — whatever we want to say. And I hold no ill will, no begrudging. It just was the reality of where we were.

But what she helped me learn is God is always there. You just have to find Him. It says He’s near the brokenhearted. It says He’ll never leave me or forsake me. And if it says that, and He cannot lie, that means that in my darkest moments, He can still be found. He doesn’t cause pain and suffering so we can experience or learn something. But He wants to use our pain and suffering so we can learn something.

We need to understand that we’ve got to learn. We live in a culture where we just want to rush through. We don’t want to feel. We just want the easy fix. We just want to go, go. We want to ignore it all and then just be happy and great. And the Lord says, “No.” “When I walk through the valley of the shadow of death” — “Why am I walking in the valley of the shadow of death?” When the storm comes — “But why is there a storm coming? I thought I served You, Jesus.” No, no, no. When the storm comes, how will your house be built? See, I think we put too much on God that is not of Him, instead of actually putting on Him what is supposed to be of Him.

You have searched me and known me

And with that, we need to know that God is still present and near. I need us to really capture that: that He sees you. He knows you by name. He knows me by name. Psalm 139 says this — this is one of my favorite chapters. It says, “O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it. Where can I go from Your Spirit?”

I want us to capture this. “Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take wings in the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall surely hold me. If I say, ‘Surely darkness has fallen on me,’ even the night shall be light about me; indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, but the night shines as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to You.”

Let me tell you what this is saying. No matter the circumstances you’re going through, no matter what you’re facing, no matter if you feel like you’re in the pits of hell or at the highest of highs, He is there. He is present. His hand is leading us. That’s the promise of God. It’s not “if this” — no, when it happens.

But too often we get too inward-focused. We have to understand we live in a culture that’s all about me, my pain, my suffering, my self-help, my problems. “You’re not doing enough, honey.” You are, but, right? “You’re not doing enough for me, so you know what? I’m just going to do it for myself. You’re not meeting my needs, so I’m going to just do this.” Instead of, “Man, God, we need You to move. We need You to move in our marriage. We need You to move on our kids’ behalf. Lord, I need to have Your vision and Your understanding here.” Why? Because You’re here in the midst of everything. You don’t want me to walk through this alone. You see me. You know my thoughts. You know my words. You know my ways.

That’s what I love about it. “You comprehend my path. You’re acquainted with all of my ways.” You see me and You know me, and Your solution is to be near me and present. The issue isn’t God being near to us. It’s us staying near to God. We forget that He sees us. And all of a sudden, because things are not that bad, we just move on in life without Him — not realizing He wants to send us beautiful flowers in the midst of all of the shrubs, in the midst of all these places.

And then here’s the other piece: He wants us to look and find Him. He wants us to look up and say, “God, where are You? God, everything seems to be going really bad. Nothing seems to be going my way, but You are faithful. You are true. You will never leave me nor forsake me. So where are You? Because I know You see me. I know that You’re well acquainted with where I am right now. I feel like I’m in the pit of hell, but that is no limitation for You. You’ve already conquered hell, right? I feel like things are going a really bad way, but that doesn’t stop who You are. It doesn’t stop Your faithfulness. It doesn’t change Your love and Your heart for me. So where are You? Because You are the God who sees me. Because from the beginning of time, You’ve known me.”

That’s what I love about Psalm 139. It says, “You knew me in my mother’s womb. You knit me together.” From the beginning, He has known us. And it doesn’t stop just because we no longer know Him. We have to be a people who look to find Him and say, “Pause. God, where are You?”

Looking for me in the crowd

You know, one of my favorite things that both my boys have done when they played football — and this seems so trite, but it’s so true. Football would begin. I love to sit in the same spot. And 98 — okay, I’m going to give my older son 100 percent, because my younger son’s not done with football yet, so he still has time to get to 100 percent. But 100 percent of the games, my older son would look to find me in the crowd. And I knew we both would be waiting. It’d be the beginning of the game, usually right before the national anthem, and he’d turn around and he’d begin to look for me in the crowd.

And the moment that I saw him look, I would lock in: “Okay, I’m not going to move. I’m going to keep my hands here.” And he would look, look. He’d look for me, look for me, and he’d find me, and then he’d wave. Or sometimes — I think one time he scored and did a heart, you know? He looked for me. He looked for me in the crowd.

See, this is what we need to be doing. We need to be looking for God in the crowd. “Where are You?” Can we just say, “All right, I know that You’re there. This feels really tumultuous right now, but You’re there. I’m going to look for You. I’m going to pause. I’m going to scan. I’m going to find You, because I know that You have a solution for this. Even if it is just that Your peace is walking with me, that’s enough of a solution. Even if all of a sudden I just have great compassion for this person or this situation — You’re with me.” Not everything has to be a formulated answer. He just needs to be present. And because He is the answer, that is enough. Because He sees us. He sees us and He knows us.

When my son would struggle to find me sometimes, what would I start doing? I’d start calling his name. I’d start saying his name as loud as I could so he could find me. And then we’d lock eyes, and then he’d go and he’d play. I loved it. That was my favorite thing. And my younger son does it too. I’m going to be watching you more at football, bud. But we need to look for God in the midst of what’s happening around us. We need to know His voice in the midst of all the voices around us. I’m telling you, it’s not like I’m calling his name and it was low. No — music was on, the game, everyone’s amped. We’re getting ready. He would look for me in the crowd.

You guys, I’m telling you that this is the answer. We again have been conditioned not to look for Him, but to blame Him. The reality is horrible things happen at the hands of horrible, sinful people. That’s just the reality. There are people who have turned away from God, who have hardened their hearts toward God. That doesn’t change who God is. But we’ve been conditioned to blame God for so many things. He doesn’t change. He’s always looking for us. He’s always near, to be found.

The reality is that life will really suck at times. Really suck. But if you don’t know where to look, it’s going to suck even more. It doesn’t change just because you’re choosing to blame God. No. When we look for the solution in God, He is the solution. I want you guys to realize this: He is the solution to the problem. Oh, I do not like naming my sermons. And so one of our interns would always say, “What’s the name of your sermon?” And I’d be like, “Jesus. Jesus. What more do we need to say? Jesus.” Right? Because Jesus is quite literally the answer.

My God, why?

We see that Jesus Himself suffered and experienced pain. In Matthew chapter 26, He’s in the Garden of Gethsemane and He’s praying. And what we have to understand is He wasn’t just praying to avoid the excruciating death He was about to experience. He was about to experience the weight of our sin. Think about that. As He was praying, He was going to experience the weight of our sin. We have to understand that sin has weight, and it impacts who we are and how we function. Jesus wasn’t just trying to navigate through this because He was going to die, and how He would die. He would be experiencing the things that we have been comfortable with for a very long time.

I’m going to say that again: He was about to experience something we’ve been comfortable with for a very long time. He was a sinless man. He was perfect. He made the choice to follow His Father in obedience. He had never experienced sin. You and I have experienced sin. We understand that. We have made decisions that are sinful decisions, on purpose. We’ve been the result of things that have happened that we’ve had no control over. There is a comfortability we have with the weight of sin and the idea of sin. All of this was foreign to Jesus.

And here He is. He’s praying. He’s in the garden. He brings His friends to come with Him to pray. In verse 38 it says, “Then He said to them, ‘My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.’” Verse 39: “He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, ‘O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.’ Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping.” And He’s like, “What? You cannot watch with Me for one hour? Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak.”

Verse 42: “Again, a second time, He went away and prayed, saying, ‘O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless I drink it, Your will be done.’” He’s saying, “Look, if I have to experience this, I will. But if I don’t need to, can I not?” And He came and He found them again, and their eyes were heavy. So He left and He went away and prayed a third time, saying the exact same words.

Let me tell you something. He knew what He was about to encounter. I just wonder: the exceeding sorrow He was feeling — was it starting to creep in, the reality of what was going to happen? Was it the weight of sin? And maybe, because He was both God and man, maybe He already had a sense of it. But He was deeply sorrowful. Just think about that. I sometimes am completely good with sinning. Can I just be real? Maybe it’s just me. And Jesus was deeply sorrowful for the weight of the sin He was encountering.

So then He goes on, and we go into Matthew 27, verses 45 and 46. And this is what I think is interesting about the suffering. What’s the one question people often ask about bad things? I already gave you a hint. Why? “Why did God let this happen?” Right? I mean, I read my Bible. I’ve been reading my Bible for a long time. And there are a few things that I just caught while I was studying now. “Now from the sixth hour until the ninth hour there was darkness over all the land. And about the ninth hour Jesus cried out with a loud voice” — I practiced this. I’m not going to say it, because I’m going to butcher it. I tried it a whole bunch of times at home. We’re going to get the part that I can say. This is what He says: “My God, My God, why?” Why?

I’ve never caught that. He asked why. How many times, when we’re in suffering, do we feel like God has forsaken us? And Jesus asked that same question: “Why have You forsaken Me?” And what blows my mind is that in Jesus’ most vulnerable, painful moment, He felt so distant from His Father. The weight of everything was bearing on Him.

You know, there are times I long for and miss my dad, just to talk to him. That’s my dad. I’d call him, I’d share these things, and “it is what it is,” you know, whatever he’d say. He was a very flawed man who I deeply loved and miss. How much more was Jesus feeling so distant from His Father, who He’d been with from the beginning of time? And He asked the one question we all find ourselves often asking when we’re in suffering: “God, why have You forsaken me?” I realize that we’re probably not ever going to get the answer to why, seeing as Jesus didn’t get the answer to why. It just hit me. I’ve read this all the time.

He goes on, and in verse 50 it says, “And Jesus cried out again with a loud voice, and yielded up His spirit.” He just surrenders. He says, “Now is My time to go.” You know, oftentimes, to help us process death, we’ll say, “Oh, God must have needed them.” What’s very interesting — and again, I’m very new on this journey, so please bear with me; I’m not an expert, it’s just an observation — is that when people are dying, they go when they’re ready. God doesn’t take them. They go when they’re ready. I don’t get it. And we see in Scripture Jesus goes when He’s ready.

It says He asks the question, and then He surrenders Himself to the process, to the suffering, to the death. He surrenders, and He yields His spirit. In one place it says, “Into Your hands I commit My spirit.” What if our own pain and suffering could be viewed as a place of surrender to the Lord, knowing He didn’t cause the pain, but He wants to be found in the midst of it? What if, instead of blaming Him, we say, “Lord, my life is Yours. I don’t need to know. I don’t need to figure this out”?

We sang it today. That’s what I was saying — Jay didn’t know what I was teaching on, and the first songs were like, “Here’s my life. I surrender.” I was thinking about the song growing up, “I Surrender All.” I won’t sing it, but “I surrender all.” We say these words not realizing the implication and the weight of them. Jesus wants to be found in our surrender and in our suffering. And it was in Jesus’ surrender to His Father that He commits His spirit, and then immediately He meets the Lord — again, I’m assuming; there’s a lot we still don’t know about that. We know He conquers death. We know all of this happens. But victory didn’t come until He surrendered.

And too many times we’re busy blaming God, blaming this person, blaming that person. And He’s just saying, “Would you just surrender to Me? I see you. I know you. I’m the judge. I’ll take care of it. I’ve got you. I know you by name. I knit you together in your mother’s womb. I put you together. I’m acquainted with your ways.” What would happen if we would just learn how to surrender and meet Him in that moment?

I wonder what it would look like if we could just say, “God —” and we were truly awakened. And by awakened, I mean we re-verbalize it: “God, You are the God who sees me. You know me. You formed me. You’re my ever-present help. Your desire is to be near me in my brokenness. You’ve not forsaken me. You’re not the source of my pain.”

The longer the enemy can keep us blaming God for bad things, the longer we will actually stay separated from Him, the longer we’ll sit in our unhealed, broken places, the doubtful places that keep us from the goodness and mercy of God. He doesn’t give us pain for a purpose, but He will use our pain for a purpose. But when we’re consumed by what is happening — which, again, is totally understandable; I’m not trying to be trite about any of this. I know. I’m just saying we’re going to miss what the Lord wants to do around us. We’re going to miss the nearness and His peace and His comfort that only come when we surrender to Him.

I’m going to tell you, taking care of my dad, I never have felt so close to the Lord, so close to heaven. There was something so beautiful about caring and being the hands and feet of Jesus in the midst of suffering. He wants to meet us there, because I’m going to tell you, I could not do it on my own. My sister probably every other day would call me: “What are you doing? You’ve got to take care of yourself.” She was right. But the nearness of God in my questions and my dad’s questions and the brokenness of it all — and we never got the answer to why the suffering. But there is sin in this world. We forget about that in a moment’s time. But He wants to meet us there.

Looking up

And I’m going to tell you this, in one of the most profound moments — I find the story of Mary and Jesus very moving. For her to say yes, only to surrender her son, to watch him suffer. I don’t even like it when my kids have a bad day, you know? And here she’s seeing her son, who she said yes to, suffer, humiliated and persecuted, and everything they were doing. When I think about it, I am always so moved by her willingness to honor God with her life and give what would be her greatest treasure back to the one it belongs to.

But in this moment, in His suffering, after everything — the pain, the blood, all of that is happening — Jesus looks down. In John chapter 19 it says, “Now there stood by the cross of Jesus His mother, and His mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus therefore saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing by” — so that’s John, just in case we didn’t know — “He said to His mother, ‘Woman, behold your son!’ Then He said to the disciple, ‘Behold your mother!’ And from that hour the disciple took her into his own house.”

What happens when we move in our suffering from looking inward to looking up? Amen. See, all of a sudden Jesus looked up, and He saw a need in the midst of the suffering. And He says, “Woman, this is your son. Son, this is your mother.” He’s still taking care of business in the midst of His suffering. I’m telling you that in the midst of our suffering, our pain, our grief, our unknown, we can still look up and make a difference and say, “But the answer is Jesus.” See, we’re not just supposed to go through these things and be silent. No, we can look up.

And when we begin to look up, we begin to see God move — when we begin to look up beyond our circumstances that feel overwhelming. And I’m not minimizing any of it. I’m just saying there can be a moment where we can say, “But hey, let’s look to Jesus together.” And in that moment, we can lead people to the only person that is the answer. He’s the only one that can heal the brokenhearted. He’s the only one who can heal the sick. He’s the only one who can bring walking to the lame. He’s the only one who can set the captive free. I cannot do that. But I can lead you and turn you and say, “Hey, look, let’s look to Jesus together. Hey, let me tell you what I’ve encountered in my own suffering. Let me tell you what I’ve encountered in my own pain. Let me tell you what I’ve discovered in my own grief.”

I didn’t run from it. I didn’t ignore it. I leaned into it, and I leaned into the one who says He’s my peace. I leaned into the one who says He’s my comforter. I leaned into the one who says He’s my healer. See, this is the person. This is the reason we need to recognize that He sees us, because when we know He sees us, it changes the trajectory of everything. It’s intended to do that.

What would happen if we would walk in the confidence and know not only does He see me, but because He sees me, I can see other people? Because He’s my provider, I can be gracious. Because He’s my comfort, I can extend grace. Because He’s forgiven me, I can extend forgiveness. See, this is all about Him not just seeing us, but about us being the light of the world. He’s already put it in motion. No matter how good, how bad, how much we walk in obedience or disobedience, we’re it. We’re it until He returns. We’re it to be the ones who proclaim the gospel. We are it. We are the solution.

The moment we can get out of ourselves and begin to just look up — just look up for just a moment and say, “Okay, God, where are You? Where are You? Okay, now I see You. I see You.” And then we begin to bring people along. This is how people come to know Jesus. And then this is the good news we get to share: not only did He see me, He’s well acquainted with my ways. Let me tell you, He also knows the words that are coming off my tongue. He knows those things. And in spite of that, He loves me. In spite of that, He still calls me by name. In spite of anything, He still sees you. And that’s the good news. That is the good news.

I just want to encourage us as we wrap up: we don’t need to have the perfect words, because we already know the perfect one, and that’s enough. I always go back to this: Jesus never tried to convince anyone that He was the Messiah, that He was the Savior. He didn’t argue with people about who He was. At one point He just said, “It is as you said,” and He just kept on with what He was doing. He was on mission. Would we be people who are on mission, that say, “God sees you”? “Well, I know, but —” He sees you. Psalm 139 says He’s well acquainted with your ways.

We don’t need to put fear in people, but there’s something freeing about that. There is something freeing that says, “If You’re well acquainted with my ways, if You know me by name, if You know who I am, and You still call me — You still call me Your beloved, You still are waiting for me — there is something good about that.” And it doesn’t mean that I get to just keep sinning and doing these things. No. It says the goodness of God leads me to repentance. “So I’m going to come to You, to the one who sees me and who knows me.”

Let’s stand, and let’s pray. Oh, heavenly Father, thank You so much. Thank You for being the God who sees us, who knows us by name, the one who knit us in our mother’s womb, who’s well acquainted with our ways, who understands the words that are on our tongue, who is with us when we feel like we are in the depths of hell in our situation. And that does not scare You. You’ve already conquered hell. So You say You’ll be there with us in the midst of hell, in the midst of what we’re going through.

God, Your heart is that we would have the hope of our salvation found in You. Not in how we can fix circumstances, not in how well we can put it together, but in how well we know You, how close we lean into You. Jesus, Your Word says that You are near the brokenhearted. God, I pray that as we process and we learn, Lord Jesus, we would be people who would know how to suffer — not because we deserve suffering, but because we find You in the midst of our suffering. That we would know that even You, Jesus, said, “Why? Why have You forsaken Me?” And You didn’t even wait for Your Father to answer. Your answer was, “Into Your hands I commit My spirit.”

Lord, I pray that as we’re walking through things, we would be people who would say, “Okay, Lord, I commit my life again to You. I surrender to You. Lord, I don’t understand. I don’t need to understand. Help me with my unbelief. Help me find You in the midst.”

And then, God, I pray that we would be like Your Son Jesus, who in suffering saw other people. That He would remind them, “You are seen, and you are known.” That there was a need that both Mary would have and John would have, Lord. That even when You saw the thief on the cross, You extended Your salvation when he said, “Do not forget me when You go,” and You said, “You will be with Me in paradise.” That even in that moment, You were still bringing people along. In the moment where people were crucifying You, You called out on their behalf and You said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Jesus, You show us through Scripture over and over and over how it’s not just about us, but it’s about the people around us — that they would come to have a revelation of Your goodness, of Your mercy, of Your forgiveness, of Your salvation, of Your hope, of Your grace. God, I pray that those things would be awakened in us. Lord, that in the midst of what we’re walking through, we wouldn’t be like children who are pouting and angry, but Lord, that we would rise up as heirs of the kingdom and say, “Lord, I’m looking to You, the one who sees me, who knows me by name, and I’m going to trust You.”

God, I pray that we would continue to grow in our faith, continue to grow in who You say that we are. Lord, we give this week to You. I pray that You would give us eyes to see people and circumstances the way You want us to see them, and that You would give us ears to hear, and that we would be like Jesus, who only did what You said and asked Him to do. Lord, I pray that we would live more like You every day. We thank You for Your freedom. We thank You for Your hope, and we thank You for these things. In Jesus’ name we pray. Amen.

Transcribed from the message recording and lightly edited for reading.